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Prestile Stream in Easton, ME
Note: As one can see below, part of the challenge of addressing the subject for today is language. In trying to speak of what is a unity, we use words grounded in duality. Yet, in observing this inconsistency, it can highlight the teaching. It can remind us, furthermore, of how language shapes our lives in welcome and unwelcome ways.
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Above all else, you have to truly know yourself. "Who am I?" and "What am I?" are the most important questions there are. You may think, "I'm me. What else would I be?" But it is not that simple.
*Daehaeng Sunim. No River to Cross: Trusting the Enlightenment That's Always Right Here.
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In light of the above words of the late Korean Zen Master, Daehaeng Sunim, I ask you... Do we not go through life assuming we know who, or what, we are? Is it not true few persons question this? Who told us? We did not tell ourselves, did we? So, most of us have never identified that we are? Can we rely on the ego claiming the ego knows who, or what, we are? Is this not usually meant by coming to know ourselves - the ego coming to know itself among other egos? Is not self-esteem really the ego having healthy esteem for itself? Yet, what if the ego - the sense of a separate identity - is not who we are? What if the ego is a function of who we are?
I am not interested in ego bashing. I believe the ego is a function of our true self. Without a healthy ego, one cannot function as a healthy human being. But please consider the possibility that you are more. What if there is more? What if part of our being in this human realm is to explore that possibility? Without being judgmental, thinking everyone with an ego-identity is wrong, we can explore that something more, if we wish to. Wishing to explore the possibility of something more comes in its own time to each of us. It is okay the time has not come. Yet, it is good that one is wanting to explore the something more we are. To do so is countercultural. These persons need encouragement and guidance in the journey toward Self-discovery beyond self-discovery.
Many persons have found out who, or what, they are... so, we are. They point to this. They cannot tell us. They cannot define us. They cannot conceptualize us. We cannot find out who we are in a book, from a teacher, or through therapy. Many means can assist us; we can be thankful for them but need to acknowledge their limitations. We only know ourselves through ourselves, meaning the self-radiance of the Self shines upon us. This is of grace. Effort positions us to receive, but effort does not expose the Self. The Self self-exposes. Who we are responds to gentile welcome. Strenuous effort pushes it aside.
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Recently, I got a tooth extraction. After extracting the tooth, the dentist held it up and told me it was the tooth he had just pulled out. I was delighted it was gone from the body. I spoke of that with gratitude through the brain fog left from the nitrous oxide. So, there was that tooth, a companion for many years, and it had served me well.
The dentist disposed of the tooth. Did I lose part of myself? Am I unwhole now? Or is there a difference between who, or what, I am and the tooth?
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The prevalent idea of self-identity is, "I am this body?" Almost no one questions this. It is cultural orthodoxy. We say, when someone dies, things like, "She is dead" and "My dad has been dead thirty years now." We were not born with that information - we were told that information.
And the idea of what we are grows with time, being formed by words, experiences, relationships, and achievements. We link varied stories with the physical frame we identify ourselves as. One person may say, "I am a man" and "a husband" and "a school teacher" and "a kind person" .... And all these identities are linked with the thought, "I am this body." These identities are purely mental; they are thoughts. And thinking we know who we are, we think we know who others are. Knowing who we are arises from the heart, not the mind. We cannot think who we are, only know that we are.
If I look in the mirror and say, "There I am. That's me," and I mean the body and the stories attached to it, that has significant implications. If that is true, losing a tooth means losing part of who I am. If I question that assumption, such can be life-changing.
The example of the tooth may sound simplistic. Still, have not most of us accepted this teaching that "I" am this body? Also, among those who believe in some soul, are they not identifying with a body? I think most are, based on my experience early in life among persons speaking of such a soul. In that case, as I often attested by how they referred to themselves, they believe they are a body with a soul. The teaching affirmed the body we now have would be resurrected at the end of time. Many taught these bodies would remain in the ground until that final time and then ascend into the skies, like balloons, going up to meet God. Some taught the soul proceeded the body to heaven, the body later reuniting with the soul; others taught a period of unconsciousness between death and resurrection.
An intriguing fact from Near Death Experiences appears to point to the relativity of the body - by relativity, I mean the body is not that we are. We are not relative, the body is. When the Self leaves the physical body, NDEers often have difficulty identifying their body from other bodies, if other corpses are around their body. The Self does not in this state feel a kinship with the body as who it is or a part of what it is. It experiences itself as distinct from the body it had been linked with before. Frequently, the NDEer does not want to return to the body... any body, content in this state that could be called pure consciousness. Hence, what if the NDEer sees the physical body as it truly is, more a generic garment essence takes upon itself to experience this realm of materiality? Then, removed from the illusion of the ultimacy of matter, the NDEer sees from her true self the relativity of matter? So, we can posit we must unknow what we have thought to be true to come to know ourselves as the Self. And, in this process, it is the Self coming forth to assert Itself as the truth.
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I encourage you to look in the mirror. Ask yourself, "Who is this looking through these eyes?" Or you could ask, "What is this looking through these eyes?" Inquire, "When I say things like 'my eyes,' who is saying 'my eyes'?" Are you the eyes? Are you consciousness - called soul, spirit, true self, Self, Buddha nature, Christ, essence, I AM, Consciousness, Pure Consciousness, Turiya ... - aware of the body and the world around the body?
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I appreciate the tooth that served me. Likewise, I anticipate, after leaving the body, I will have appreciation for the body that served me.
This body, as says Daehaeng Sunim, is comparable to a burlap sack. In a sense, we are all dressed up in something we are not, like a big costume party - some know it, some do not.
Life dramatically changes for the good when one realizes, "I want to know who I truly am? ... who is dressed in this body? I am not content thinking I am an ego among other egos. I know, somehow, I am something other, something much more." This moment is a conversion moment, the beginning of an awakening to your true self, which you discover is none other than the self of everyone else. From this realization, you can love as you never were able before, for in loving another, you do not love another than yourself - you love yourself.
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My experience is this realization can be a point in time and a journey. One may awaken to that we are in a moment. Still, the idea of self-as-body is deeply embedded. So, rather than jumping out of identity with the sense of separate self, we grow into living more from a sense of true self, a unitive being. We can see this more like a shift than a loss and a gain. That is, we transform into identity with our one self, while the prior sense of individual self progressively loses the power of dominance, and as it does, it becomes a good servant of the Self. Hence, the ego proves to be a disappointing master but a great servant.
My sense is this relationship of self and Self is innate to the human condition; ego is part of the natural functioning of the body in the human realm. Hence, the Self can bless the body, with its sense of boundaries, hallowing it thereby as part of Nature. So, one moves from "This body is my self" or "The sense of a separate I is that I am" to "Self has a self" - even as I had a tooth.
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I do not claim to have become fully realized in the truth of the Self. I am not sure anyone is, though some are seen to be, and some claim to be. I do have times when the Self is out front and the ego behind, so to speak, and those are my most free, loving, and joyful times in life. I aspire to experience that more; so, I continue the Way, engaging means to bring that realization to a more stable sense. I, also, accept more graciously than I once did how I frequently get caught in the ego-sense and sometimes suffer unwelcome consequences as a result. Yet, I have grown in this Self-realization. I am more observant when I am out of that Center. I can return more quickly. And I find the pilgrimage of discovering that I am an exciting journey. I wish the same for you.
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*© Brian K. Wilcox, 2021
*Brian's book, An Ache for Union: Poems on Oneness with God through Love, can be ordered through major online booksellers or the publisher AuthorHouse. The book is a collection of poems based on wisdom traditions, predominantly Christian, Buddhist, and Sufi, with extensive notes on the poetry's teachings and imagery.
*Material on Near Death Experiences from Raymond Moody M.D. and Paul Perry. The Light Beyond.
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